Author: tim

Top Drunk

The wife and I watched the reunion show of Top Chef last night. Next week they will pick a winner, so this week they brought everyone back on the show to bitch about each other and drink. And drink they did. This was the drunkenest reunion show ever. “I’m not your bitch, bitch” Dave went overboard with his “Tiffany is a bitch” theme and Steven went waaay overboard trying to repair his arrogant image on the show. Steven was slurring so badly during his apology to Candice that it was just embarrasing to watch.

At the end of the show they made the 3 finalists leave the set so everyone could make their predictions. Harold is the only one of the remaining three that deserves to win. He has consistenly shown what it takes to be a true chef. Tiffany has talent but is too, dare I say it, bitchy to gain any respect and Dave is just an emotional mess.

I personally think that the winner is going to surprise everyone. My prediction is:

Santino

REP

This morning as I was heading out of my neighborhood, I found myself behind a big, shiny SUV with the Letters REP stamped all over it. It kind of freaked me out to see that vehicle in my neighborhood because on closer inspection I was able to see that REP stands for Radiological Emergency Preparedness.

In these troubled times, that’s not the kind of vehicle I want to see tooling around my neighborhood.

Douchamptons

I’ve long professed my love for the brilliance that is Veiled Conceit. If you’re not familiar, let me get you up to speed. Veiled Conceit is a blog that makes fun of the NY Times Wedding Announcements or, as VC puts it: A glimpse into that haven of superficial, pretentious, pseudo-aristocratic vanity: The NY Times’ Wedding & Celebration Announcements.

Well, Veiled Conceit’s writer has been pretty slack as of late on the posts, but the wait has been worth it. This week’s post is brilliant. Here’s a sample:

Just when you thought the announcement was getting boring, they drop this gem on you:

“The furrier Dennis Basso, a friend of the bride’s family, said his designer’s eye saw a future for Ms. Nehmen and Mr. Stark. “You know when you see a couple and visually they just fit?” he said. “Well, they fit.””

What the fuck? A furrier? Really? I like that he’s friends with the bride’s family, since it would be counter-intuitive for a furrier to associate with the shaven Stark Carpet clan. A furrier. Wow. I don’t know why that’s so weird to me, but I picture a french-canadian trapper decked out like Davy Crockett. I also think it’s funny that a man who makes his living ripping skin from the flesh of dead animals used his “designer’s eye” to approve their beautiful-people fucking beautiful-people relationship. It makes no sense.

So good and it just gets better. Do yourself a favor and read the Times’ announcement first and then go check out Veiled Conceit’s take.