I’ve just come up with a sure-fire method to choose a qualified candidate for POTUS. Its beauty is in its simplicity. The candidate simply needs to correctly pronounce both of the following words:

  • Washington
  • Nuclear

There may be other reasons not to elect someone, but if the above rule is not met, it’s probably best to just disqualify the candidate outright. I hope this method helps you. Happy electing!

Indie Rockers for President

If I were running for President of the United States and The Strokes were my opponents, my attack ads would definitely paint them as elitists. I mean, come on, Upper West Side indie rockers with rich parents? The ads would write themselves.

Also, I think I’d add Sufjan Stevens to my ticket to get the evangelical vote. Another brilliant move from my campaign.


So, the repubs are all in a tizzy over Kerry’s recent remarks. They’re demanding that he apologize to our troops. After all, it is shameful to criticize anyone who is serving or has served our country. As President Bush says,

“Even in the midst of a heated campaign season, there are still some things we should all be able to agree on, and one of the most important is that every one of our troops deserves our gratitude and respect.”

Well, I couldn’t agree any more. Anyone who has served our country in the military deserves our utmost respect. To act otherwise truly is shameful.


This morning as I was heading out of my neighborhood, I found myself behind a big, shiny SUV with the Letters REP stamped all over it. It kind of freaked me out to see that vehicle in my neighborhood because on closer inspection I was able to see that REP stands for Radiological Emergency Preparedness.

In these troubled times, that’s not the kind of vehicle I want to see tooling around my neighborhood.

Poking Fun

I caught a few minutes of that new television show, Commander in Chief, last night. Man, this show is not flinching when it comes to lobbing thinly veiled criticisms of the current Commander in Chief through your television set each night.

In last night’s episode, Geena Davis’ character, Madam President, is visiting Florida after a deadly hurricane (hmm, I wonder where the writers came up with that crazy premise). She’s visiting some evacuees in an airplane hangar somewhere when it becomes necessary for one of her assistants to tell the President about an oil tanker that is in trouble off the coast of Florida. She is reading a children’s story to a group of kids when the staffer approaches and whispers in her ear. Without missing a beat, Geena Davis stands up, says “now who wants to finish reading this story” to the kids and quickly walks away. I laughed and laughed.

My wife turned around and said to me, “you’re going to write about this on themuy tomorrow, aren’t you?” Yes, honey. Yes I am.